The Deep Sexuality of the Masculine Yin

Traditional masculinity, fashioned in and by millenia of "patriarchal" culture, has had a tendency to expect sexual gratification from a mate. Often instant gratification. Because femininity of the new era is not always available for this... enter internet porn.

The masculine of the dawning new era still tends to have a desire for immediate sexual gratification (or “sexual nourishment,” as I’ll frame it). However, he has a rising, and perhaps now even stronger, desire for his mate to WANT him.

I call this a yearning for Deep Sexuality.

I believe the shift away from a desire for instant and surface sexuality to deep sexuality, with a nod to author Genia Haddon, is evidence that the masculine yin energy is increasing in relevance relative to the once-dominant masculine yang energy. One aspect of masculine yin energy is that it gets more energized and nourished by supporting and nourishing the feminine, than by exerting power over the feminine.

(Read this article by Charles Eisenstein, or my interview on this podcast, for more on how yin/yang dimensions can radically expand our conception of sexual polarity.)

The masculine sexual desires of nourishment and being wanted are not mutually exclusive, because the feminine yang energy rising in women everywhere will, when the moment is right, absolutely want the masculine sexually in that moment. And she will bring a creative, surprising, feminine sexuality to the dance. (By contrast, the feminine yin surrenders to the masculine yang, but does not necessarily want it and therefore does not tap into her deepest sexual fire.)

How does a man get nourished when he wants and needs nourishment, by a woman who deeply desires to nourish him and brings a potent feminine creativity to the affair?

If you view the above question as the holy grail of masculine sexuality, then join me, brother, in our quest.

Here are a few suggestions from the front lines, where I have had but mere glimpses of the Deep Sexuality grail.

1. Get to know and become enamored with the feminine yang 

If you are reading this, it’s likely that you are a man with a mate who exhibits primarily feminine yang energy. Feminine yang energy is powerful and dynamic, not meek and receptive. She will react or pounce at the right time and in the right context, and the dance is ecstatic. You must be aware and sensitive to this. You are a fisherman.

2. Breathe into the security and confidence of your masculine yin nature 

Cultivate an inner sense of sexual security and confidence that does not rely on your ability to exercise dominance over the feminine, but on the ability to inspire lust in the feminine. The opposite of security and confidence is a whining, expectation of sexual nourishment. This is a childish expression, not a mature one. I am very familiar with this expression. I have often heard myself expressing in this tone, and neither myself or my mate is sexually ignited by it.

3. Step into the solidity and steadfastness of your masculine yin nature

The feminine yang energy is aroused and excited by, among other things, the solidity and steadfastness of the masculine. The mystery is that masculine solidity and steadfastness does not equal passivity. I like to think of being steadfast in my flirtation with my mate, ready to amplify with her the sexual energy when it is present. But at the same time I work to stay solid in my own skin, meaning I don’t need my mate to perform some sexual act, in this moment, to satisfy me and keep me from flipping out. Patience is not passive. Breathe. Take care of yourself. and have faith


All men have a yin and yang expression, but some are more naturally expressing of one over the other. Trust me, even as a man who naturally expresses yin energy, cultivating a mature sexuality that embodies security, confidence, solidity, and steadfastness is a practice, and practices are not always easy, especially at first. Maturity develops over time. I am writing this because it’s my own medicine, right now.

As always, my friend, I welcome your honest thoughts informed by your own journey. If you disagree with my perspective or have a different one, I’d appreciate if you say so simply and through respectful dialogue.

To your health and evolution!